UGGGG! When choices drive you batty!

Hmm first off it’s been forever and a day since, I’ve written here. Nice to know I didn’t totally forget the passwords! So for my first blog post in like ages, I shall entertain you with a random rant. Or as my kids like to say: “Ranny Ranny Ranny the codeine.” Don’t ask. I’ve been shopping for a web host. Please don’t ask me if I have a domain name yet, I’ve got several in “mind”, but haven’t decided yet. I’ll tell you what I have decided. I want features on the site I don’t think I’m going to get! *pouts* I want my site to offer chat. I want to blog. I want to upload videos and pictures. I’ve seen so many sites but which one is right for me? I have had a few recommendations. Talk about research! *gags* Well, seems like its gonna be a while off yet. Mean time, I’ll get reacquainted with my blog. Wow when did they add that to the dashboard……..?

When trying to get away from it all, takes you away from everything…

Okay is this a diversion or a distraction? Finding a new passion is such an exhilarating feeling. When you do what you love–for me that is writing, there’s not enough time in a day to squeeze it all in..or is there? I find I’m back on the balance mobile, circling around and around. I’d mention in an earlier blog entry when something you love becomes too much of a good thing. I’ve had the most fun in a creating and exciting endeavor. I’ve found friends of a like mind that share my passion, and in turn share their love of creating with me. Hmm? Yet, I have projects simmering on the back burners of my life and laptop. I’ve added a paragraph here a re-edit there. Yet the flow I see in one project is not translating over into my other project areas! I’d love to finish at least one of these novels! I’ve scrapped one; so not interested in the train of thought that I once was over its subject matter {meh}. That actually freed some brain stem activity, allowing me to re shift my focus onto the book I hope is “the one”. And (yes I started a sentence with the word and), I’ve finally received my first (I know won’t be my last) REJECTION NOTICE (shocked pause not really) I survived it! I thought it would be so devastating, but alas, it was not. It was liberating, in that my premise wasn’t the issue, the market I submitted it to was! So now I know. I pray (and I do pray) that I can put the same drive and zeal into all of my writing projects as I have with my other endeavors. I feel I’m getting closer. I can see the finish line. I’m just searching for that second wind to sprint the last leg!

When you care enough to send your very best.

I wonder if Carrie Bradshaw ever had a day like I’m having?  When not a single idea you sit down to write about turns out right? I mean, to a degree I am a bit of a perfectionist. Maybe not so much in technique as it has to do with the quality of what I want to serve up in my writing. Today however the flavor of the writing is coming out, well, rather bland. I’ve sat and rewritten passages over and over, turning them this way and that…still I don’t seem satisfied with the content.

True enough, I could be working the idea to death. I have a very bad habit of setting a quota to my writings, measuring the out put. I get darn right tizzy in the noodle if I don’t see some words on a page! (eye roll at self) Yet I refuse to turn in to an editor a piece of crap especially if it has my name attached to it! Arrrrg, I just want to WRITE!!! I fear I am entering into a writing black hole where all of my ideas are being sucked right out into a black abyss  called Dullsville!

Such is the plight of a person who actually cares enough to send her very best. (bang head on key board and sigh)

Learning to Soar

I remember being told a story once, sometime ago about an eagle who thought he was a turkey. I know the poor turkey is getting the bad rep, but let’s just go there for a minute. Whether it’s the Ugly Duckling syndrome or the turkey/eagle analogy, I’ve been asking myself lately: who am I surrounding myself with lately? An even better question: How do I learn to rise above mess?

I define the word mess as it applies to me: Stressors, bad attitudes, bad situations and people who don’t really mean me any good. What must I do to rise above and soar? Well I had to take a look at what the eagle does. As with any fledgling he had to learn to fly first. That must have taken many attempts. His wings had to build up strength and most certainly he had to get over the fear of…falling. Once he mastered that, I’m sure he had to learn how to pace himself. When to build up the momentum, to use his speed and agility at the right times and when to just coast along; letting the air currents carry him. He definitely had to keep a sharp eye out for predators as well as prey…(pray)

However,  that is the eagle who knows he’s an eagle.

What about the eagle that is surrounded by turkeys? Sadder still what if he’s not even aware that is the crux of his plight?  The first warning bell should probably be the way the turkeys love to gobble; that’s not the sound an eagle makes. Maybe it was in the way they flew? Oh yes turkeys do fly, just not with much style nor grace… Maybe they pecked about, scratch about looking at all the mess, never thinking to get above it and see it from a different perspective…? I suppose an eagle involved in such a situation might very well do the exact same things, listen to all the gobble and wander around pecking in the dirt, in the middle of…mess.  Yet there is just something in an eagle’s countenance that would make it stand out even amidst a crowd of turkeys. Maybe it’s his proud carriage. Or the way that he holds his peace?  Maybe its in the way that he looks at situations, much differently than the average bird and quite frankly in ways a turkey never would or could?  Just take in consideration the wing span of that majestic bird…turkeys have wings too… they just don’t use them for much except to flap and stir up the dust.

Even an eagle that hasn’t learned to fly, because he thinks he’s a turkey, listening to the turkeys gobble, is sure to stand out as he dares to make an attempt at flight? One thing is for sure: The hunter recognizes the difference between the eagle and the turkey. He’s not looking to serve eagle on Thanksgiving either. The eagle has a better chance at dodging the bullet and in the midst of turmoil, the eagle can always take flight, soar high and rise above. Whereas the turkey will try to hide in the rushes, if he’s lucky go roost in a tree somewhere. Even an inexperienced, naive eagle, has sense enough to make his nest up higher than the nearest tree. When I thought about these things and really took stock of it all…It’s never too late to realize that you really aren’t a turkey. Just an eagle learning to soar.

A little rain must fall.

Into most lives some rain must fall. On a hot day, a nice summer rain is welcomed. What do you do, however, when it seems like it’s raining all of the time? Build an ark? A dam? Or take out flood insurance?

I try to look at my rainy seasons as times to reflect. What happens to me when it rains in my life?

I can see the rain as a nemesis seeking to drown me; an annoyance that requires a very big umbrella; Or I can see the rain as refreshment, here to wash away the dirty vibes and negative mindsets.

After it rains, dry lands are no longer parched. Out of barren times, newness grows. The air can become so much sweeter…

Into every life a little rain must fall, should fall, will fall…

Yet after the rain, the sun shines, the earth rebounds… and so do I.

Approaching everything you do with purpose.

It takes courage to remain focussed and determined. No matter the goal, overcoming your personal stumbling blocks is part of the uphill battle. I find when I face the task at hand with purpose, a clear outcome set in my mind, the task does  not seem insurmountable. My problem is getting caught up with time. Setting goals with unrealistic time frames, given the life challenges I face. I am the worse follower of my own advice when it comes to cutting yourself some slack! Yet the desire to succeed in all the things that matter to me, prompts me, to keep pressing. So I’ve told  myself that instead of focussing on time frames and processes, to just take my time and develop those things that I need to develope…patience being a big one on my growing list. Have the grace to start over if something doesn’t work out and celebrate the gift of creativity. The possibilities are infinite and only limited by my fears of the unknown.  I have purposed in my heart to focus on those possibilities not the myriad litany of “what if’s”, which puts the goals I’ve set into a brighter perspective and a more meaningful light.

If you can live with it…

I’ve come to realize that I have to get to a point in my life that the choices and decisions I make are ones I can live with. That the time of pleasing others for their sakes alone has come and gone. I find that there are dreams still left to be fulfilled, and the hope that springs eternal is alive and vibrant within me, yet I’m bogged down with the muck and mire of circumstances…

Circumstances do invariably change and so too must I. Gandhi said it best that we have to be the change we want to see (totally paraphrased but you get it right?) And it all starts on the inside and translates to the outward individual.  Yet what good will it do me to make changes I cannot live with? Not much from my view-point.  Doubts will assault me, wishful thinking is just that; but if I am true to myself, willing to grow from my mistakes and get rid of the fears that stifle my creativity, if I can live with it, everyone else will have no choice but to do the same.  Even if they are not, the key thing is this: If I can live with it…

Too Much of a Good Thing

I think even in the barest of lives you can discover excess. It may not be in material acquisition. Perhaps it’s too much television or indulging in a past time beyond a reasonable length of time. Lengths however do vary from person to person, so just take this with a dash of salt and pepper to taste. What now do you do when your personal” too much of a good thing”, turns you completely off of something that was once enjoyable? I don’t have an answer to that one myself. So I tell myself perhaps to go back to moderation. Unwrap myself from the trappings and just let things be. There’s something to be said concerning the saying, if something seems to good to be true…

The other key ingredient is balance, off setting how much and how often you spend doing your too much of a good thing  against what you consider priorities and then adjust your well-being accordingly.  Here’s a few hints that something might be too much of a good thing:

If it causes you stress when you once enjoyed it

If it starts to become forced

If it begins to overwhelm

If it lacks genuine purpose

Then the next question becomes not is it too much of a good thing, just is it too much to be bothered with.

If you can sort that out for yourself, you can begin to see where to trim the excesses out.

You’ll no longer have the burden of it being too much of any one thing  and can simply enjoy what you consider are the good things in your life.

Back in the saddle

I’ve been preoccupied lately.  I won’t make up any excuses for it, I just haven’t devoted as much time as I would like to develope my story. So, I’ve dusted off the jump drive, looked over my pages in an attempt to re- acquaint myself with my flow. Part of going forward is losing your past fears. I’m learning that. One of my biggest fears is not being able to stay on task or to focus. Which segways right into fear of deadlines and crappy work. Well I’ve heard people who ride horses say that if they fall off of one, to get back their nerve, they get right back up on the horse. I’m back in the saddle ya’ll, hehaw!

On and On

Sometimes I feel like I need to put some things on blast, turn it up loud because aint nobody feelin me, let alone hearing me

All the while buggin out, blending in, not standing out

Going on and on and on and on, aint saying nothing, droning on

Where’s your consciences, let it guide, expecting me to let it ride

Fake is as fake does, talking nonsense just because

Well I aint gotta let it touch me, get up on me, smothercate me

I’m just gone keep going on and on and on and on, till you see my back..you feelin’ that?